On the term "natural" childbirth

Note: This entry and the 2 below are rants from before Gabriel was born and I was bored and stir crazy.

I really don't like how some people in the labor and delivery business have co-opted the word "natural" to mean "pain medication-free," as in one of my favorite questions for the expectant mom, "Are you going to have a 'natural' childbirth?" "Natural" is such a loaded, value-laden term, and belongs nowhere in the discussion.

First, "natural" connotes "good" - who would ever argue that something natural is bad? Case in point: the term "natural flavors" you see on the ingredients list of your bag of chips. Nothing natural could ever be bad, right? That certainly sounds better than "preservatives" or "MSG." Second, it implies that a labor involving medication is somehow "unnatural" or otherwise bad in some way (or at least pales in comparison to the "natural" way). Third, I can think of a lot of things that are natural that I still wouldn't want to endure. Dying in childbirth is "natural"; women have been doing it for millions of years! Certainly longer than they've been taking "unnatural" medications. Sign me up for the death thing! What about disease? That's "natural." But vaccines? Wholly unnatural. So we shouldn't vaccinate our kids; just let them get diseases and try to survive. It's the natural way. "Natural" selection, survival of the fittest...can't get much more natural than that. Why not apply it to our species as well?

So when people ask me about a "natural" childbirth, I ask them if they mean "pain medication-free." Come on people, let's take back "nature"! Otherwise "nurture" will have free reign and trash the place.

On pregnancy, body weight, and body image

So, when you go to the Dr. for prenatal visits, they monitor your weight. You're supposed to gain 0.5-1 lb. per week, or 25-35 lbs. total, in a pregnancy. If you gain too much too fast, your doctor will gently broach the topic with you. I am lucky enough to have enjoyed a normal weight through my whole life (and a normal pregnancy weight, as it turns out) but one of the biggest sources of stress and upset in my pregnancy has been doctors telling me I gained too much too fast. I think in February I gained 7 lbs. in 3 weeks or so, earning a talking-to from the doc, but then the weight gain slowed so much that it basically hasn't changed at all in the last few months. Now, at the end, I appear to be losing weight. Of course, weight is just a number that means nothing about your overall health or fitness. But we knew that :)

So why the concern over excess gain, medically speaking? Well, mom could be diabetic and/or the baby could get too big, which are valid concerns and cause for altering one's diet and keeping a close eye on one's weight. But if the baby is normal sized despite mom's weight gain, and mom's not diabetic, then she is told that the doctors are basically watching out for her, trying to make her face a smaller post-partum weight loss hurdle. Which I frankly find (a) premature and (b) patronizing. I have never needed anyone to explain to me how to get in shape. "This just in! Eating vegetables, avoiding sweets, and exercising help keep weight under control!" Gee, thanks for the tip! I think few of us really didn't know about the whole diet and exercise thing. So why do I get to hear it now? Why don't I get a chance to lose the weight first, AFTER the baby is born? Why tell me NOW when I can't really exercise or go on a diet? It's hard to have your doctor tell you you're overweight while your hands are tied so you can't do much about it. Add to that the fact that just by being pregnant, you're probably having body image issues anyway, suddenly having to get used to a whole different body. AND the fact that everybody gains weight at different rates while pregnant, and just because you gained quickly for a time, that doesn't mean the trend will continue. AND the fact that when you're pregnant, your body basically sucks up calories like these are the last ones it's going to see for 9 months so it had better hold on to every last drop. Honestly, we pregnant women don't constantly overeat; our bodies just decide what they're gonna do and do it.

I thought it would be fun to go back to the doctor and tell her I really think the Atkins diet is working miracles to keep me slim during my pregnancy. That'll learn 'er.

Warning: Pregnancy Brain - Speak SLOWLY and CLEARLY!

So yeah, I'm kind of impatient. I think it's the beginning of week 40 now. I don't know, I'm "due" this Friday. It turns out "pregnancy brain" makes it hard for you to keep track of what week you're in. Makes it hard for me at least. The pregnancy book we got from the hospital says something about how it will be "hard for (me) to understand complex dialogue" while in labor, so everybody had better keep their utterances short and simple. I hope the doctor can communicate whatever he needs to via grunting. Or maybe Baby Sign! I know those books are supposed to be informative and supportive, but whatever. Just sounds misogynistic to me.

So I started this blog to give myself something to do so that I don't go stir crazy waiting, and also so that I can remember stuff from this period once I am no longer permitted to sleep. Hopefully it will motivate me to do a good job documenting Gabriel's early life. Before he was born we called him Cranny Wolfgang. Mostly to drive our parents (and other relatives and friends) crazy not knowing what his real name would be. The backstory to his prepartum name is... well, it just kind of came to me one day. It suits a larval human in utero whose hobbies include kicking me a lot, squeezing my bladder with his tiny fingers, nomming all my iron, and occasionally rocking out to music. Ben says that in the Old Country, his full name was "Cranbort" with an umlaut or a slash thru the "o" or something equally Nordically goofy, but unfortunately his name was hopelessly and irrevocably Americanized at Ellis Island. Now it is "Cranford"? I think? Or maybe "Cranibald"? If Cranny's future prom date is reading this, well, I must apologize to my boy. Have fun at the prom and don't do anything stupid!

My 5 year old nephew Zachary has finally grasped the fact that he is going to have a new cousin named Cranny. He shares the name with whoever asks, including his preschool teacher, who I am sure at this point thinks we are CRAZY. According to Zach, apparently the name "Cranny" is silly, but the name "Zachary" is decidedly not. Zach has reluctantly bequeathed some of HIS baby toys to Cranny, like the brightly colored plastic things that move and spin and rattle. I can't imagine they hold a candle to Zhu Zhu pets or Transformers, but you NEVER know when they might come in handy. Of course, Zach also thinks Cranny will be my mom's new cousin. Family relationships are confusing!